i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
