this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
