someone get that fucking seahorse.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
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his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
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I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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