I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
