You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
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He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
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New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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