i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
