I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
