Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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