the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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