end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
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I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
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The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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