god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
