You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize