My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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