i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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