Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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