first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
