It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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