I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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