GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
