can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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