Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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