He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
