please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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