Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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