What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
