so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
