my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
worst night to have a conscience
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
