Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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