I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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