Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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