Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
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