Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize