in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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