everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
