Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
