His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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