The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
