i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
