Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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