I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
