i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
