dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
