my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
