I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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