I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
