I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
