I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
