Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
