You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
