Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
