its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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