I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
