i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So. Much. Porn.
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