We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
